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12 Jun

This makes me sick to my stomach. What do we have to rely on if even the earth under our feet is not stable? I have never been in an earth quake but I think if I was it would shake me up in more ways than one. The ground is our constant (the only constant that we can see at least) and even it gives out.

It is amazing to think that God is even more stable than the earth we live on and build our houses on and grow our food on. I don’t fear that with my next step the ground will give way. But I fear that maybe God will let one slip and something un-just will happen to me. I fear that God is not in control and that his justice isn’t fair. But more so than the ground, God is stable. some times he is the only stable thing we have when everything else fails. It’s sad to me that I feel that the Earth is so big and so great but the one who created it might forget about me. Natural disasters like this one remind me of God and his mighty faithfulness. I think we need these reminders. It’s like God saying “Everything is temporary and this world is falling apart but one day I will come and get you.”


Modest Mouse

18 Feb

“I ran my mouth off a bit too much, oh what did I say?
Well you just laughed it off, it was all OK”


-Modest mouse


“The way of a fool seems right to him,

but a wise man listens to advice.

A fool shows his annoyance at once,

but a prudent man overlooks an insult.”

-Proverbs 12:15-16


Unrelated but I like them both.

The proverbs one speaks to me so much. Straight to the heart. Ouch. I can be so sensitive sometimes. In my sensitivity am I being prideful? I never thought the two could be the same. Do I want to be a fool or listen to correction? I could get over myself and my “annoyances” then maybe I’d learn something.



I have one thing to ask of the world.

21 Nov

One thing to ask of you.

Please don’t make me happy. It would only be a disservice to me.

Be honest and if that happens to make me happy, then OK. All I want is Truth.

My goal in life is not to be happy. Happiness gains me nothing. Pain, suffering, hard work. These gain me something.

I pray that in my search for Truth I find happiness on the way but if that is not in the plans for me then so be it.

I do not deserve happiness. No-one does. You can’t earn happiness.

I thank God for the gifts he has given me, more than I could list. I choose Truth and He gives me Joy.

But you? Please don’t choose happiness, for me, over honesty.


5 Nov

The human heart is so fragile. Like a knife through butter. It hurts so much some times.

Lord, you said you’d never give me more than I could handle. Well I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t see how you could use this as a tool to grow me.

But you are Lord. And you are all powerful. All knowing. And you are close. I feel you close. Please give me strength and equip me to live out your will. I want that so much. Praise to you in the good times and the bad. Its so hard when it hurts. But I know. I know.


25 Jul

Quite a few years ago, It came to me that our thought-life is something that we directly control. Whether it be bad thoughts about someone, jealousy, lust, or anger, those are thoughts we choose to dwell on. Sure, some times Satan puts a seed in your head: “look at those hideous shoes!” But from there on we can choose to continue down that thought path or leave it alone.

This created a whole new way of thinking about personality. This is how I decide who I am going to be. This is the way I mold myself. From then on I stopped dwelling on bad thoughts about people. This has made me a less judgmental person. I also tried to not re-live things in my head that made me angry: “How could that guy cut me off?!” All of these things made me realize the deeper issue.

Being angry is a choice. Being happy is a choice. Being depressed is a choice. Being jealous is a choice.

Until recently, I hadn’t made any further connections about the thought-life/ personality link. My most recent revelation about this, and my point for writing this post, is that our self esteem is rooted into our thought life as well. When I think negative thoughts about myself it is a choice I make. And its the one I choose all the time.

By screening my thought life, I decide who I am. Even if that is deciding to be confident. This further shows my theory of how we are who we decide to be. Totally separate from who your parents are, how they raised you, or what culture you came from.

My question to you is: will you let your thoughts decide who you are or will you choose for yourself?

Every day I choose to be who I am. Today, I choose to be confident.